June 29, 2006

A Message to Nelly Furtado

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 11:03 am

Dear Nelly,

I don’t really know your music. I don’t listen to much pop anymore, except now that I’m being exposed to LITE FM for eight hours a day, and they don’t play you at the moment. I will admit that I’m fond of “I’m Like A Bird”, because, well, I AM like a bird, and I think the song is pretty and I like the harmonies. But this “Promiscuous” song? Nelly, it’s BAD. Not only does it sound like every single other lousy rap song I’ve ever heard, but I think you completely missed the point. Did you bother looking up the word “promiscuous”? Here’s a random sample from the Internet:

- Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
- Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
- Casual; random.

And how about some synonyms?

wanton, X-rated, abandoned, cheap, dissipated, dissolute, easy, extracurricular, fast, fickle, for free, foul, inconsiderate, lax, lecherous, lewd, libertine, libidinous, licentious, light, loose, low-down, lustful, off-color, outrageous, profligate, purple, rakish, raunchy, raw, rough, salty, shameless, slack, speedy, swinging, unchaste, unconscionable, unprincipled, unscrupulous, wayward, whorish

While I freely admit that some of those synonyms don’t make any sense whatsoever (purple???), what I’m saying is, if you and Timbaland actually are promiscuous (and I don’t know anything about Mr. Land, but I seem to recall that you’re married, and have a baby), or are just pretending that you’re promiscuous for the song’s sake, you would have just had sex, and not stopped to sing/rap about leading each other on. Promiscuous people don’t bother with leading each other on. They want to have sex! They have sex and then find other people to have sex with (likely saving each others’ numbers as possible booty call potential). This song should not exist. QED.

Your album is called “Loose” for goodness sake! I shouldn’t even have to be writing this. Back to bird songs, please.

Sincerely,
Twin C

P.S. If you run into Kelly Clarkson, can you tell her that “Because of You” sucks and she should just see a psychotherapist already? Thanks.

5 Comments »

  1. first off, shes not married
    and most people in the music idustry like “promiscuous”.
    i know i do.
    have a good day and get your damn facts straight hoe

    Comment by cat — June 29, 2006 @ 4:11 pm

  2. I’m glad you like the song, Cat. I think it sucks. And if I’m a “hoe”, which is a garden tool, at least I’m not a pop music tool.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Comment by Twin C — June 29, 2006 @ 5:04 pm

  3. She has a baby but isn’t married? SINNER!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by Twin D — June 30, 2006 @ 3:10 pm

  4. Nelly F is my bottom b-yatch

    Comment by Kid Dynamite — July 4, 2006 @ 9:33 am

  5. Mad props, Twin C. You damn hoe. Promiscuous = Venereal Disease Ridden And In Need Of A Bath. Wish I’d seen this sooner; I thought I was the only one who cared.

    Comment by Lydia — October 9, 2006 @ 12:52 pm

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