July 27, 2005

Part 2

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 11:59 am


It was going to be the sexiest seminar ever. Six-foot tall pirate babes, swashbuckling heroes waving their… oooh, long, long swords around. Pythons. Lots and lots of em. Parrots flying through the air and wherever they land, you have to kiss. MegaConComCruise Seminar Industries was known throughout the industry for sparing no sexy expense. Twin C knew he had left his PSB at home, and he was sad, but he also knew that if he didn’t ‘take one for the team’, as it were, that he’d never get that promotion that he needed to bring home to put more cheezy grits on the table.

Suddenly, a bowl of cheezy grits materialized over Twin C’s left shoulder. It was a TALKING bowl of cheezy grits! “Twin C, you can’t go to this sexy seminar! You will go home with some boozy floozy and PSB will never forgive your transgression! Then I will be eaten in a fit of romantic despair! If you can’t do it for yourself, or for your sweet, sweet PSB, do it for me, Twin C!”

Twin C had just opened his mouth to respond when suddenly a large piece of bacon appeared over his right shoulder. It too, was a TALKING piece of bacon! “Hit that shit, Twin C! Hit it don’t quit it! And when you’re done, shake your chicken-sack out in her face! She likes it! Do it, Twin C! Do it for THE BACON,” said the bacon.

“No, Twin C! Your virtue!”, said the cheezy grits.

The piece of bacon began to do a Sexy Bacon Dance. “Oh, let’s get it on, baby!”, it sang as it gyrated in only the way that a properly oiled piece of bacon could.

Twin C felt himself being torn asunder. His loyalty to PSB welled up in him, but that bacon smelled…. so…. good…. and he knew that if he didn’t go to MegaConComCruise Industries’ Sexy Sexy Seminar, that he’d definitely lose that promotion he’d been up for for months. And that strange eyes would follow him as he walked through the cubicles in his office, thinking that he was Not The Heteronormative Boy They Thought He Was, Nope, Better Renew That Subscription To Details For Him This Christmas, Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk, Know What I Mean? And that would be horrible, just like 7th grade, only without physical violence.

Suddenly he knew what to do. He grabbed the bacon, and shoved it into the cheezy grits. “Noooo! Our Hegelian nature will cause us to explode!”, they screamed in unison. And BOOM! A massive matter-antimatter style explosion ensued. Twin C felt himself dissolving, his very molecules becoming unbound, floating in the air like individual grit particles without a cheezy matrix to bind them together. But in his mind, he saw PSB smiling at him.

When the smoke cleared, he was somewhere completely different…..

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