May 31, 2005

He Hit Me First!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 2:41 pm

So, Polenblog readers, I bet you have always wanted to know the primal scene from which the rage of the Polenbergs continues to emit.

Well, imagine this.

It is a sunny day. Two young boys are playing in the ashpalt driveway of a suburban house. The house has wood siding, and the boys are hitting a tennis ball against the side of the house. This not only makes a loud thumping noise, but it stains the wood siding. This will later make the boys’ father Very Angry and lead to a moratorium on tennis-playing against the house. But, well. They’re still playing tennis. Then, wholly and totally unprovoked, one of the boys, let’s call him “C”, SMASHES the other boy, let’s call him “A” over the bridge of the nose with his tennis racket! A deliberate attempt to make this young boy’s Jew-nose-cartilage swell up and make him look like more of a nosey-ass Jew than he already looked like! The boy cries and cries. Then he picks up the hoe, yeah, he picks up the hoe, and gives to to the boy called “C”. With the business end. Yeah. Right in the nutz.

There are those that will tell you that this story happened in a reverse chronological order, but they be some lying-ass bitches, yo.


That’s the hidden wellspring from which all the rage, spite, and utter crankiness of the Polenbergs flows. Also, Darth Vader is growing hair.


  1. Twin A, first of all there’s no way in HELL I would have hit you unprovoked. For as much of a horrible brat I was, I never did anything “violent” without being instigated, either by an obnoxious comment or a brother unwilling to do my evil bidding. B and D will both vouch for that as well.

    Secondly, you hit me first. I don’t remember why, probably because you got tired of me bossing you around, and were trying
    to emasculate me in order to masculate yourself. Too bad it didn’t work! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR

    Thirdly, how do you still have your nose and I still have my nutz? (Yes, readers, it’s true. I still have my nutz. PSB will vouch.) That’s the real part I haven’t figured out. We must have been major wusses to not have actually done any damage past the “cry factor”.

    Comment by Twin C — May 31, 2005 @ 2:50 pm

  2. That is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard, about your nutz. Everyone knows that Twin D is the only Polenberg who still has his nutz!

    Also, I did not become properly masculated until The Thunderdome in BRC in 2000. Everyone knows that too.

    I’m sure I provoked you to hit me, probably by flexing my big sexy muscles! Ooooh, burn! Yow! Hot damn!

    Comment by Twin A — May 31, 2005 @ 2:59 pm

  3. No doubt you had big sexy muscles at the age of six.

    Who’s Nutz? D’s Nutz!

    Comment by Twin C — May 31, 2005 @ 3:01 pm

  4. Funniest thing on the blog: this. HAR HAR HAR.

    Comment by nobody — June 1, 2005 @ 12:09 pm

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