March 3, 2009

Dear Horrible Cubicle Dweller Whom I Can’t Stand,

Filed under: Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 1:30 pm

You’ve been talking on the phone in your horrible nasal screech of a voice for the past 45 minutes, about NOTHING, when you should be doing all the work you couldn’t do yesterday. And why couldn’t you do your work yesterday? Because for some completely unknown reason, you decided that you should defragment your disk drive at 9 a.m. on a work day, and when it started slowing down your computer even more than it must have already been running (with you adamantly stating “I don’t have Facebook or any of that stuff on my computer” to the help desk while you whined and whined - NO KIDDING, did you know Facebook is BLOCKED here, so NO ONE can have it on their computers, never mind the fact that Facebook is a website and wouldn’t put much on your hard drive anyway, maybe a couple of cookies or something, but I digress), and even if you’ve never defragged a drive before and didn’t realize that it turns it into a paperweight for hours, you didn’t think “Gee, I can’t work, I should postpone this until tonight”, NO, you thought “I HAVE TO CALL EVERYONE I KNOW AND BITCH ABOUT IT NON STOP FOR EIGHT FUCKING HOURS!!!!!!!!!!” and then to top it off, you complained about the loaner laptop that they brought you - what do you think, you’re going to get an awesome super fast loaner? You’re a fucking administrative assistant, you’re lucky they brought you a loaner to begin with! And the fucking techie was trying his best to get you up and running, and all you could do was complain, and slam all your drawers and bang stuff around.

Speaking of which, I have never met anyone who makes more noise than you. Everything you do is a commotion. Your over-dramatic sneezes, your constant five second throat clearing, your attempts to do work, EVERYTHING YOU DO IS TOO LOUD! I sit THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU, separated by what feels like a cotton sheet, because I HEAR EVERYTHING AND I’M SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT.

That was 52 minute phone call. Do you feel better now? I don’t. Nice sneeze. Your boss walked by twice. He didn’t even pay attention to any of your fucking bullshit. If I was your boss you would be fired so fast you wouldn’t know what hit you. As I’m not, I just fantasize about what it would be like to drop really heavy things on you. Ooh, a piano. Oh, an anvil, just like Wile E. Coyote. How about a safe? A set of Ginzu knives? (Not that heavy, but just as satisfying.) A vat of acid?

I hate you I hate you I hate you,
Twin C

2 Comments »

  1. Hey it’s clarissa….is that YOU that has the most annoying co-worker????
    You gave him a bitch slapping! Afraid to say your name…I’m LMAO!

    Comment by clarissa — March 15, 2009 @ 9:49 pm

  2. Hi Clarissa!!!! Yep, it’s me. Glad you came to visit. I’ll tell you about the Twin letters the next time I see you.

    If anyone is looking for a new hairdresser, I highly recommend Clarissa at the David Ryan Salon in Hell’s Kitchen. She is fantastic! She has Saturday hours every week, and sometimes Thursday nights? She always gives a great cut. And she is an awesome person as well. And I’m not just saying that because she visited the blog. :)

    Comment by Twin C — March 16, 2009 @ 8:21 am

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