I had heard of the mythical pee fountain for ages - a rite of passage for all parents, that ill timing when your baby decides it’s time to let forth a giant stream of urine right as they are on the changing table, diaper off, about to get a clean one on, or getting wiped down. Somehow I had managed to avoid it - over 15 months and I never got directly peed on. Once or twice when he was very small and his diapers were too loose, he’d go and somehow it would shoot out of his diaper and onto me. But never a direct shot at me before.
Last night changed all that.
I should have sensed that something wasn’t right - he was a little out of it, and his behavior eating dinner wasn’t quite normal. Sure, he was eating what he wanted (the mac and cheese) and thoroughly rejecting what he didn’t want (green beans, which he normally likes) by pulling it out of his mouth and tossing it on the floor. But he just seemed a little off, and Hamilton wasn’t helping (he had been good all day when I worked from home, but from 5:00 pm on went into “I will scream because I can” mode). When I went in to change him, the diaper came off, I grabbed a wipe, and suddenly, there was a lot of pee everywhere.
Fortunately for whatever reason there wasn’t a lot of pressure behind the stream, so it remained pretty much in control and didn’t get anywhere near my face or my shirt. However, it did go all over him and the changing table. Also fortunately, this was before I had gotten his pajamas ready. I assessed the damage and briefly considered trying to just use baby wipes, but once I saw there was pee on his shirt, that was obviously going to need to go over his head to come off, I realized it was no longer feasible.
Off to the tub with you, pee machine!
A quick fun bath later, everything was back to normal. He had his bottle and I read him a zillion books, and then, off to sleep.
All things considered, I still got lucky. Another dad I know got pee in his eye. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.