September 30, 2005

Oy vey! no chicken soup…..

Filed under: Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin B @ 2:10 pm

One of those fuckers that my mother birthed gave me their head cold.
I feel like crap! The drugs I am taking make me feel dissociated from the world. Like
I am standing next to myself. I had to work a crappy job all last night.
Fucking Lindsay Lohan music video.
God, you ratfucker! why!
Working all night has done nothing for my cold but make me feel even more like a
dried up piece of goat crap and I don’t even have chicken soup.
Once again, God, you ratfucker!
The BVM wouldn’t do me this wrong.

Clear Your Calendars. This is a Must-Go-To.

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 1:04 pm

I met Agent Todd on the set of ABC News when we were both doing stand-in work. He told me about Improv Everywhere and put me on his list. I haven’t made it to an event yet, but everything I’ve seen/read about them has been AMAZING. And I just got this in the mail:

IE Agents,

On Saturday, October 15 at 3 PM we will be staging the sequel to last year’s “Mp3 Experiment”

Two huge changes in version 2.0:

1) Free admission
2) Outdoors

The event will occur in a public venue somewhere in Manhattan. The experience will be over by 4 PM. The rain date is Sunday the 16th.

Mark your calendars! On Monday, October 10 we will be sending an email with detailed information on how to participate, including a link to the
Mp3 file you must download and bring with you to the mission.

Some audience praise from the first Mp3 Experiment:

“The mp3 Experiment was a transcendent experience. The show is exhilarating, mysterious, and constantly hilarious. One of my favorite
nights at the UCB Theatre.�
-Owen Burke

“This was so awesome.�
-Justin Purnell

“Ridiculously fun, inspiring, other superlatives. Here’s to mp3 Experiment v 2.0.â€?
-DC Pierson

We hope to see you there.

Agent Todd

I’m pretty sure I’m free for it, and if I’m not I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure I can be. . . please join me!

More from our newest friend

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 10:54 am

Dude. So much comment spam. I think we need to get us a bot or two to spread the good name of the Polenblog, since all these other blogs seem to be doing it. I’m still trying to remain one step ahead of them. . .

Also, tippleYT has come back for a second round of comments! I’m glad he/she has learned contractions and is in favor or him/herself, but “I’m in favor of lava lamp” is a step down from where we expect you to be, tipple. Every other sentence has at least been gramatically correct. What’s the deal?

I am in favor of early Fridays. Aw yeah! I think I only have one more month until they are over. Boooooooooooo.

September 29, 2005

Returning to the new desk.

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 11:22 am

I’m back in the office today - I feel about 85% better. I’m still a little stuffy and my esophagus still feels weird - I’m trying to limit my coffee intake today so whatever is still healing can finish. Instead, lots of green tea and water.

I did make it out to the Moth last night, and it was a fantastic beginning to their new season. Having just started dating PSB a little over a year ago, the Moth was in a different space all last year, and last night was their return to the Player’s Club on Gramercy Park South. In my opinion, it added a really classy touch to the whole thing - Crash Mansion was modern and cold. The Club’s performace room is really warm, and just as accommodating. The show was excellent as well - Andy Borowitz was really on a roll as host, whipping out hysterical jokes about TNT (The Moth’s new sponsor) one after another. The stories were excellent as well - they included Mike Daisey doing a section of one of his monologues, The Ugly American, Jonathan Ames talking about “The Curse of the Mangina” (I was witness to one of the Mangina’s performances years ago at a Burning Man party, and then before Fez closed there was a performance featuring a three man “Dance of the Manginas”), and Moby taking about a really weird 24 hours he had, culminating in Gene Simmons telling him “Moby, you are a very powerful and attractive man.” Yay PSB! And for any star fuckers out there, besides Moby (Mike, Jonathan, and Andy also being stars in their own right, although not on the same scale [yet]), Lauren Ambrose from Six Feet Under was in the audience. Someone who I was friendly with years ago, Sprague Grayden, worked with her last year on SFU (I haven’t seen the episodes yet), and I was going to ask if they were in touch. I don’t know if Sprague would remember me or not. She was sort of my little sister during the show (no smooching! I had a girlfriend).

UPDATE: Apparently Lori Singer was there too. I had no idea.

PSB stayed out late, but I was a good boy and went home and directly to bed. Today is better, although I realized when I got here that I’m still not 100% done setting up. Fortunately, it’s the fun stuff - all of my mugs (one featuring PSB spinning fire!), and my lava lamp. I’ll get on that shortly.

September 28, 2005

Sick Day Again??!?!?!

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 10:23 am

Ugh. I don’t know what kind of nasty bird flu I’ve picked up, but it’s not going away after five days, and I woke up feeling worse this morning instead of the same, or (as I might have expected) better. So I e-mailed my old boss, my new boss, and my head administrative assistant to tell them I needed to stay home. I don’t think I’ve ever had a sore throat this long, and I was tested for strep on Monday and it was negative. I also have a rather extreme case of heartburn that I’ve had for over 24 hours, which I’ve never had before. I’ve been alternating between Rolaids and Halls non-stop.

It’s a drag. At least I’m going to be high on Sudafed in about half an hour. Then I’m going to watch some crappy TV and take a nap. The Moth is having their first big show of the season, and I’d like to attend if possible, so I figure if I drink a ton of water and take it easy, I’ll be able to make it out tonight.

September 27, 2005

Who is the mysterious tippleYT?

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 3:34 pm

Well, we’ve had comments, and we’ve had spam comments. Now we have a new kind of comment, courtesy of tippleYT. His or her comments are, well, legitamite, I think - I mean, it doesn’t look like he/she is selling anything. They only barely make sense with the post. The person is in an agreeing sort of mood though - they are in favor of everything they’ve read so far.

Googling tippleYT brings up nothing. Nor does a search of, his/her purported e-mail. Did someone mis-program their spam comment robot? Is the next hot pr0n website? Will tippleYT be not in favor of anything?

This is almost as mysterious as the Squid King.

The Twin A Wedding Story, Slightly Pre-Wedding Heavy

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin A @ 3:34 am

It all started inauspiciously enough.

Sarah was out buying sunflowers at a fancy flower store. Her mission was to carry sunflowers at her wedding as Grammy was not allowed to at hers. (Side note: I’m the only one who calls my wife her real name on the blog? Is that a faux pas? Should I call her Kissyfur from now on? Ok, I will. Thanks, spam commenters, for the tip.) I travelled to Enterprise Rent-A-Car to go through what should be the mundane motions of renting a car.

Note that I don’t have a credit card. I had one once, it didn’t go so well. So now I don’t have one.

I get to Enterprise, they’ve got my reservation. I show the guy at the counter (who is the more respectable and in-charge type of the two guys behind the counter) my credit/debit card.

He says, “Um…,”

He says, “Do you have a credit card, or just this?”

I says, “Um, just this.”

He says, “Um, well, we have specific policies here. You should have read them on the Internet when you signed up.”

I says, “Um.”

He says, “Well, can you prove your residency?”

I says, “Um, well, I could probably go print out a gas bill.”

He says, “And, can you prove full-time employment?”

I says, “No. I’m a consultant. What’s wrong with my debit card? It’s money, right?”

He then at this point tries to explain that a credit card is to a line of credit, and a debit card is to… my bank account! NO SHIT! I use the word “suboptimal” a number of times, I make sure I have no other options, I make sure I can’t use someone else’s credit card to pay for it, nope. The card and the driver have to match, and it has to be a credit card. (Note that I’ve rented cars successfully in multiple cities, and had cars rented for me on other people’s credit cards in multiple cities. New York is clearly full of crooks both unsavory and clever.) In the middle of calling people to try to find a solution, my phone, which had registered 1/4 battery power when I had turned it on that morning, suddenly loses all juice.

I wound up walking to James + Michelles, cranking out on them like a motherfucker (sorry, guys), using their phone and internet, renting the Most Expensive SUV In The World from Budget, whose rates I guess are so high because they’ll rent to thieves like me, and no they didn’t say SUV or I would have objected, they said “Minivan.” Which would have been even better for singing soccer mom songs, and made me think fondly of driving around in The Giant Air-Conditioned Box with Sarah Braun in the waybackwhen.

Said SUV was driven with fervent Americanness to Poughkeepsie, where all was cranky, pizza was eaten, and we were, as mentioned, DENIED ACCESS TO THE BIG TV. What is that house, but a gigantic black hole being sucked into the TV? (Ok, I’m being grandiosely hyperbolic. Fine.) YARRRRRR! I’m a professional-quality A/V guy, jeezus christ. So there was some lividness, until We Love Katamari was actually turned on, and then lividness faded into Katamari glory.

WLK’s gameplay was nicely inventive, within the rubrick of rolling a katamari around and picking up stuff. We did an underwater level, and a flower level (which was beautiful), as well as two town levels. The flower level had two different gameplay modes — one counting how quickly you could get to a target level of flowers, one wanting you to pick up as many flowers as possible in the alloted time, which added variation. The cut scenes are my favorite aspect of the sequel — they explains how your father, The King Of The Cosmos, got to be such a supreme dick. And he’s still a dick. Though they have his codpiece strategically hidden this time, which I think takes away from the true Melanie Klein-ness of the relationship. He’s sitting on a pimpin’ heart chair though, and it’s got a joystick built in. For His Royal Pleasure, assuredly. But the cut scenes are, so far, all about him being abused by his father. Heartwrenching. The only disappointment thus far has been the music — not that it isn’t fine, just that I don’t want to download the MP3s and listen to them obsessively. We only did 4 levels though — the music has lots of room for improvement.

We were woken early the next day (though I got about an extra :30 of sleep, as my Bird Flu had gotten slightly worse overnight, and I’m quite allergic to Teddy, The Polenberg Pooch, who is looking a little better after what was apparently a lengthy convalescence). We got dressed up all fancy. Much steaming occurred. Guests arrived. Much schmoozing was done. The few social awkwardnesses that could have been exacerbated by guests were not exacerbated, which was lovely. I got to meet many Porters and Harts who I hadn’t gotten to meet, and many Polenbergs as well, and many, many Mah Jong ladies. Who probably know more about my childhood than I can even remember.

The catering was lovely, the ceremony, though very late, went quite well (Thanks Twin C for officiating, and Twin D for manning the 1s and 2s, and Br. Bacon for what I’m sure will be lovely parent-pleasing photographs!), there was much weeping of joy, and Mom and Dad (!) were really really pleased. With the ceremony especially. I’m really happy that we were able to bring so much of our playa wedding experience back into their context and keep it unchanged, and that they still appreciated it.

Everyone ate lots o’ damn fine catering, and Br. Bacon mocked barfing on everyone’s shoes. A bunch. Many adults got goddamn shitty drunk. (I did not, though I had mentally kind of planned to.) A fine time was had by all, pretty much. Or anyone who did not have a fine time didn’t kvetch about it, which is sort of like everyone having a fine time.

Later we went home and rubbed our bellies. And went to sleep, double-married. Which is like when you’re cooking a chicken on a rotisserie, and you turn it, and it sizzles.

So that’s the story. Cheee-rist, this may be my longest blog post ever. That’s what happens when I got the MEAT RAGE. Yup. Dat’s right.

September 26, 2005

The latest spam comment attack

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 3:48 pm

There’s been a new kind of spam comment, and I have no idea why it’s happening or who came up with it.

Random comments are attaching themselves to old posts, each of which contain a number of links to other blogs. Nobody seems to be selling anything. Some seem to be more opinionated than others (one had a very conservative slant to it), but that’s it.

Why is this happening? Are some bloggers so desperate for traffic that they are trying to hitchhike onto other blogs through nefarious devices? I say to them, “Bite me, lamos! Try harder! Perhaps you should copy and paste your funny IMs into your blog!”

Le Wedding Upstate - Twin C’s account, part 1 - The Day Before

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 2:21 pm

(Other Twins, this is a perfect time for us all to write about the same thing with our different slants - I think it will be really interesting!)

Saturday at 10:30 a.m. I was in Grand Central to meet up with Twin D and Jax to head upstate. (At 10:27 a.m. I was yelling at my cab driver, “No, not Penn Station! Grand Central! I didn’t say Penn!” He turned the meter off and apologized profusely.) We were told we needed to come early to help clean up. PSB got trapped doing work and needed to come up later. When we got to the house, it was abundantly clear that there was NOT much cleaning to be done - the house was spotless. We were then informed that Twin A was having a pretty major problem: he was supposed to rent a car to bring himself, Kissyfur, and Twin B upstate, but the rental company refused to rent to him - he only has a debit/ATM card, and the car company said “Sorry. No good.” (Adding to the confusion was the fact that his phone ran out of power, so he was unreachable for hours.)

We figured that worst came to worst, one of us would drive into the city and pick them all up. In the meantime, we broke into two groups: The Polenmom whisked D and Jax off to go shopping, while I went outside to help Polendad with the yard, which I was a little unhappy about (I used to have to weed as a kid, and it was by far the worst chore ever - even when we were bribed with “a penny a weed” - you could make a good $5 doing it, but it sure took awhile and was boring. It probably would have been better with a Walkman, but they were insanely expensive back then) until I saw what my job was - using an overly powerful leaf blower to clean up the yard. Once I figured out how to not send sod flying into the neighbor’s yard (which only happened a few times, really, and it was more because it apparently hasn’t rained in ten weeks upstate), I started really enjoying getting every single leaf and twig and pine cone to blow away - it fed in nicely with my weird anal retentiveness. It was nice spending a little time with Polendad as well, as he wasn’t as cranky as usual. Later in the evening, I would bombard him and mom with random questions about our childhood (example: “Why did you stop playing video games with us?” [Answer: “I got bored, and you were beating me!”]).

When the shopping crew returned from shopping run #1, PSB was due to arrive, so D and Jax and I went to pick her up at the train station. As it turns out, she was unable to get anything done, so she might as well have come up with us in the morning anyway. Oh well. We made a pit stop at Dunkin Donuts for some ice coffee. Twin D told me that I was driving way too slow. (I kind of thought I wasn’t driving great, but I just thought I was driving the speed limit. It’s not my car, and it’s an expensive one to boot!)

A and B and Kissyfur showed up sometime in the early evening, and we helped them unload. We ordered a giant dinner from our old pizza joint, and A and I went to pick it up in his rental car, a Jeep Grand Cherokee. We sang soccer mom songs and I played with the hazzard lights.

After dinner, Twin B headed out to a friends house, and Kissyfur went to steam her dress. PSB and Jax sat on the floor with her while she steamed, while A, D, and I all layed in “the conjugal bed” - my parents’ old bed that was now in what used to be B and D’s room, where A and KF were to be sleeping that night. (D and Jax slept in one of the two twin beds in A and my old room, and PSB and I slept in the little guest bedroom/Polendad’s home office on what is commonly known as “The Bed From Hell”. I’m not sure what we were joking about, but we made enough noise that the Polendad yelled at us (ah, just like old times!), and at one point, D called mom from his cell phone to the upstate number (she was on the other line) to bring us up some drinks. Her response? “You’ve got to be out of your mind!” I went downstairs and attempted to mix KF and PSB sidecars (actual ingredients: brandy, Cointreau and lime juice. My ingredients: brandy, really old Grand Marnier, and fresh lime juice from one squeezed out lemon), and myself the girliest drink I could make - banana rum and coke. (Pretty tasty!) Mom made brownies, which we all chomped on, but D refused to bring any up to the ladies (”There’s no eating in the bedrooms!!!”)

We were waiting for the Polendad to go to sleep so we could put into motion our final plans for the evening - I had brought the tiny PS2 with me so we could play “We Love Katamari” on the giant screen TV. However, in a bizarre andunexpected twist, he refused to let us hook it up, giving us not good reason other than it was against his wishes. Realizing that even though it was completely dumb that we weren’t allowed to, doing it against his wishes and then getting caught would create far more drama and tension and crankiness than it would possibly be worth, so instead we dragged the little TV down from the little bedroom, brought it all the way downstairs to the “good room” (the downstairs living room) and set up the PS2 in there. We played for a couple hours until we got too tired, and knowing that we were to be awakened at 9:30 in the morning, we all went to bed. The Bed From Hell was living up to its name, but we managed to conk out in due course.

September 23, 2005


Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 7:25 pm

If you have never been to Peter Luger and you enjoy meat, I suggest you save up a little dough and head down there soon. The four twins stuffed themselves with some of the finest steak around. We started with some tasty drinks, and then the food began to come - first, a big portion of shrimp cocktail, and next each had a strip of bacon cut so thick, Twin A was convinced that it needed to have been deep fried to be cooked.

Out came the steaks - two porterhouse steaks for two, one cooked rare for A and B, and one cooked medium rare for C and D. The medium rare steak was delicious. The rare steak was INCREDIBLE! It was soft and succulent. Twin A impressed us all with his meat hunger, eating more than we ever could have imagined.

We somehow saved room for dessert - we shared hot fudge sundaes and apple strudel, with homemade whipped cream that was insanely thick. Twin A somehow found room for an entire sundae himself. Nice meat rage, Twin A.

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