July 18, 2005

Someone has displeased the poker gods. . .

Filed under: PolenPoker, HA!, PolenBabble, Burns — Twin C @ 3:37 pm

Last night, Twins A and D and I (I as in me, Twin C, not I as in Twin I. There is no Twin I.) were playing at the same poker table. (Twin B had a friend in from out of town and could not attend.) Twins A and D were not faring very well (cold cold cards), and Twin A decides to play the only game he knows he can win, “Screw Your Neighbor”.

The goals of Screw Your Neighbor are: 1. to outlast all of the other players, and 2. to give them crappier cards than yours whenever possible. Each round, each player is given a card. Starting one to the left of the dealer, the player decides if he wants to keep his card (if it’s a high card), or pass it to the next player (if it’s a low card). The second player must trade with the first player, unless he/she has an ace, in which case they can say “Ha ha!” Simpsons style, or “Sorry, sucker!” or “Not this time, holmes.” or just give them the evil grin of someone who has just, you know, screwed their neighbor. (You can also screw the person passing to you, if you have a lower card than then one they are passing you - for example, if you are being passed a five when you’re holding a two - the other player is stuck with a lower card than you, and you don’t need to risk passing.) This process is repeated by each player until it is the dealer’s turn, who then can either keep his card (or whatever card was passed to him/her) or instead, toss it away and choose the top card from the deck. All the cards are shown, and the player/s with the lowest card must take one of the piles of money placed in front of them (usually two stacks of 50 cents, or four stacks of 25) and put it in the middle. The deck is passed one to the left, and the process is repeated again and again. When you lose your stacks, you’re out. The last person alive takes the whole pot.

I am not a huge fan of this game, as it takes about .000001 of your brain power to play, and relies entirely on luck. Therefore, if I am ever lucky enough to make it to the final two people, especially if we have the same number of stacks left, I offer to stop playing and split the pot. Usually the opponent refuses, but every once in a while someone sees my logic. You’ve been lucky enough to make it this far - why tempt fate?

Twin A says “Two piles of 50 cents!” and we lay out our stacks. The game moves quickly, as there are only five of us. Suddenly it is down to just A and me, and we both have both our stacks. I ask, “Do you want to split it?” “No way! This is the only game I can win!” says A with utmost confidence. We play a round, both get sixes, and both have to toss in a stack. “We can still split it up. . .” I say. “NOT A CHANCE!” declares A! I am then dealt an ace, and A tosses a low card and gets. . . a queen! I rake in the pot, A cursing and me laughing and saying “We could have split it. . .”

Cut to a half hour later, when A, still losing, demands another round of Screw Your Neighbor. This time, he ends up against only Twin D, both with one stack. Twin D, either mockingly or seriously, says “Do you want to split the pot?”, and Twin A says “NO NO NO NO! I’m going to win it!”

Twin D is then dealt an ace, and Twin A a queen.

I laughed so hard I thought I was going to choke.

July 17, 2005

The Saga of the Kitchen/Dining Area/Twin C Study Area Room

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 10:08 am

First off, sorry for the lack of posts. Time Warner came yesterday and fixed my internet, and now it’s better than ever. However, they’ve sent back my form to switch the cable over to my name. I need to get them this form to them ASAP, so Robin T. doesn’t get a bill in her name (although if she does, it’s going to come here, and I could probably just pay it myself anyway), since I’m, um, going away next Sunday.

Holy shit, it’s next Sunday. Fortunately, I’ll get some practice tonight, and there will be three Polenbergs at the table to boot!

Now then. Imagine going to buy paint with your sweetie, and you both agree on a color that looks nice and bright and cheery, but not loud and garish. Then imagine you start to paint, and you realize that somehow it’s just not the color you thought it was going to be, although it really looks a lot like the paper you picked with the color on it. Now imagine that, in a panic, you have to run back to the paint store to buy a paint in the same family, but two shades lighter, and it looks like a HUGE difference, and you’re really not sure if it’s going to look good or not but you KNOW that you can’t paint the entire front room the color that the kitchen is, because if you do you will go mad, MAD, I tell you. (Also imagine that you’ve run out of blue masking tape, rollers, and paint trays, so you kind of had to go to the paint store anyway.) Imagine getting the second can of paint, masking and painting feverishly for three hours because you need time to clean yourselves up to go out to Brooklyn to a really cool dinner party with six courses and six performances to boot (there were actually seven, but one didn’t quite count. The whole thing was awesome though overall - great food, interesting acts, and we had nice people at our table). Imagine finishing, and realizing that, sure, there are a couple of places that need a little touching up, but overall it looks fucking awesome, and then imagine verifying that same thought the next morning. Hooray.

Said color is yellow. I’m not a huge yellow fan, but I actually like it a lot in here. Twins A and D are checking out the place tonight (little do they know I’m putting them to work - we have heavy shit we have to drag downstairs). They can tell you what they think.

Friday night was a bit of a disaster, so it’s good that Saturday was frantic but fulfilling. PSB and I have been sleeping on a platform bed, pretty much a small loft, and we both agreed that we should saw down the legs so that we didn’t need a ladder to get up on it, but it should be tall enough that the cat can’t get up there and drive us mad every morning. (She’ll figure out a way anyway. She’s a resourceful demon. Of love.) (I made something cute for her - I’ll try to get a picture of it in use, and post it.) Here’s the thing: try as you might, it’s REALLY REALLY difficult to cut through two 2×4s screwed together, on a horizontal line, with a handsaw.

You are welcome to now laugh at PSB and me uproariously.

I’m still not sure who is more of the doofus in this situation: PSB for believing it could be done, or me for believing her and attempting to saw through the first leg for a good half hour before realizing that it’s just. not. happening. I think it’s me.

So we tried to unscrew the legs, thinking that we could just buy shorter 2×4s the next morning and rebuild new legs. Also fruitless - this loft was build fucking SOLID. The legs wouldn’t unscrew with my dinky little cordless screw gun, or with PSB’s more powerful plug-in drill.

Now we are disgruntled. (Me especially.) However, PSB called the loft’s builder, the trusty Jon L., who is bringing over a circular saw this morning to saw that shit DOWN. Then we can finish painting the bedroom, reassemble the main room (the kitchen needs some rebuilding), put as much stuff away, play some video games with A and D (if there’s time), and then go play some poker.

What a weekend.

July 15, 2005

Best Wedding Shoes Ever

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 4:41 pm

OK. So is it insane to spend $250-300 on a pair of shoes for your wedding? If they’re the coolest shoes ever made?

Just look at these fuckers:

Best Shoes Ever.

How can I not?

July 14, 2005

Cool Keyboard

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin D @ 9:35 pm

I saw this on DoubleViking (which happens to be a great ultra-heterosexual site).


So…. much…. mylar….

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 2:35 pm

Check it out, yo.

Fully Operational Battle Prog

When Bathrooms Attack

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 1:54 pm

When PSB and I got home last night at approximately the same time, doing the same thing (yakking on our cell phones), neither of us could imagine the horrors that awaited us, lurking in the freshly painted Bathroom of Ultimate Punishment.

At some point during the day, one of the ceramic towel bar holders permanently (HA!) attached to the wall fell off, along with the towel bar itself, the two towels hung upon it, and the tray of toiletries resting on it in a specially designed tray meant to fit on top of a towel bar. Fortunately, none of the glass items broke. Unfortunately, our bathroom is back to being in shambles, after being 90% complete again. (We have a number of smaller issues with the bathroom - the sink drainpipe is leaky, the tub faucet dribbles at all times, and the bottom of the tub has rusted out a bit, mostly from the water dribbling on it for years - before it wasn’t just a dribble, more of a small non-stop stream that eventually eroded away at the tub floor. Jon L. is going to fix the first two problems, as well as the broken towel bar, and recoating the tub will fix the third, which we can’t do until problem #2 is fixed.)

Earlier in the evening, after an alochol-soaked send-off of one of our computer technicians who is moving to Spain to seek his fortune there (pretty cool!), I headed over to the Full Leadership meeting of my department, at the Palace Hotel (fancy shmancy!). They were having a “games night” as a teambuilding activity, and as they have gotten wind of my poker (relative) expertise, they requested that I come teach and deal some Texas Hold ‘Em for them. It turned out to be quite fun, although I had to sit through an hour long roast of one of the team leaders who is leaving for a different position within the company. I’m not fond of roasts, even if the roastee doesn’t mind. I feel humor at another’s expense, especially low blows towards a person’s looks, style, sense of humor, trains of thought, etc. etc. is just mean spirited. For some reason, however, I find self-deprecating humor quite funny. Maybe because the person is aware of it, and is able to laugh at it him/herself, but I find it cruel if other people “bring it up first”? Anyway, although a bit tipsy, I think I explained the game well, and the players all seemed to enjoy themselves, and I was even given a reward for donating the time and knowledge - a $100 gift card at Crate and Barrel, which PSB was VERY excited about.

After getting home and cursing the bathroom gods, I finished off the armoire (it was still early enough to get away with some hammering), slid in the TV (which BARELY fit horizontally, and the back sticks out like a mofo, but oh well, it’s still pretty), and started to get to work with placement of the other items. I then spent twenty minutes orgasming over how fucking small the updated PS2 is. Holy fucking shit it is so small you cannot believe how small it is it is fucking AMAZING!!!! It’s the size of three DVD holders on top of each other, I swear. And it’s insanely light as well. After calming down and deciding on the layout, I had to put set-up on hold when I saw that the really cool looking power strip that PSB gave me to use had too short of a cord to the wall. She’s stealing me a three prong extension cord from her office today (stealing? I mean, borrowing!) and AV set-up will be completed tonight. No word on when I’ll have the old Time Warner account switched over to my name and I get get the cable going.

Also had a nice lunch with my favorite sexplorer yesterday. If you don’t read her blog, you should. She’s funny. Her boyfriend is awesome, too.

More painting awaits us this weekend. . . hopefully the rest of the apartment will not react as violently.

July 13, 2005

Burning Man Camp Of Champions

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 2:58 pm

Hey Polenblog devotees,

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while. It’s been an incredibly busy couple of days. Saving busty wenches from giant crustaceans, playing pool with Tom Brokaw, kicking back on Rush Limbaugh’s floor after taking a couple of Oxys and staring at those hot hot nekkid cherubs on his ceiling. Sweet.

And through all this, we built Space Station Prog IV, a 20′ x 20′ inflatable lozenge-shaped mylar and plastic structure. It may be The Best Prog Yet. Hell yeah. Mad props to nobody, BaconBoy, kissyfur, and The Seen Machine for coming through in the heat and making it all happen. And super-mad props to Anakin Koenig Airways for giving us the space and the donation of mad skillz.

So why else is our camp going to be the Best Image Node Ever? Because we’re at 20 members again! Denver peeps are back in the saddle of The Node! Cute non-evil children will dance around us throwing flowers! The bus is back! We have a 30 KW generator! Everything is huzzah!

So that’s the ticket. And if you’re in lower Manhattan at night, go look for the blinky stuff on Governor’s Island. I helped put that shit there.

A nice random encounter

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 10:38 am

I forgot to mention that this morning, on the way to work, I ran into Mike Daisey and his wife Jean Michelle! We had tentative plans to see them last night (they are back from traveling for two weeks, before off to more Mike performances), but since we’re still apartment shuffling we postponed, so it was nice to see them, even if only for a second. Mike was off to record one of his monologues for the BBC! Congrats Mike!

Up Yours, Semi-Gloss!

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 9:51 am

The bathroom is finished. Well, just about. The semi-gloss, in its last efforts to annoy the shit out of me, peeled up in a few places when I removed the masking tape. I’m going to buy a small brush and touch up those few places, and ignore all the spots that don’t look that good. I’m too anal to deal with it - there would be eight coats of paint on the wall, and you’d still see me desperately trying to get that one spot on the wall to look like all the rest of the wall. Not pretty.

The entertainment armoire arrived yesterday as well (forcing me to leave work early, as the FedEx guy was not very negotiable), and after triumphantly finishing the bathroom, I went to work on it - the directions were a little complicated, and my cordless drill conked out and I didn’t have the patience to muscle every single screw in, so instead I went off to a Moth Slam - theme: fame/infamy. I thought it was a pretty good slam - stories about interactions with celebrities, people famous in their own right, and people famous in their own mind. . . When I got home, the drill was ready to roll, and I finished about 95% of the armoire, until I realized that I was going to need to do some hammering, and it was 1 a.m. (It was bad enough that when I rotated the whole piece, the doors fell open and slammed into the floor, making a pretty big noise. At about 12:30 a.m. I was a little amazed that no one complained.) I did the quickest hammering ever, and left the rest for tonight.

My internet is functioning enough at home for me to survive, except for the weirdest thing - it will (eventually) open up every website, except for Hotmail, which PSB and I both use. I’m glad it’s working better, but I’m glad the tech is coming on Saturday, even though it’s bound to be at the worst time possible - we’ll be in the middle of painting all sorts of stuff. But not with semi-gloss.

July 12, 2005

Could it be? Oh yes! Our first official GUEST POST!!!

Filed under: PolenNews — Twin C @ 11:27 am

From PSB:

If you are ever having a hankering to test your relationship, try painting a cruddy bathroom with semi-gloss paint together. My god. The whole experience can be summed up by an incident last night in which I snipped “While you’re at it, do you have any other criticisms?” after poor Twin C had merely pointed out that I had missed an entire corner of the door I had just been painting. At which point, after an apology from me followed by us laughing our asses off (relationship test passed), I retired to a nice muscle relaxant for my aching back and brain relaxant in the form of a strong gin and tonic. God bless Bombay Sapphire.

Princess Snarky Britches

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