May 26, 2005

New Page!

Filed under: PolenNews — Twin C @ 11:36 am

This morning, instead of going to work, I gathered up a few of my favorite pictures of myself and the rest of the twins, and made a new page - PolenPictures. There’s a collage posted there, as well as an old button we got from Universal Studios. The link is at the top left of the blog, if you didn’t see it initially.

The elusive PolenDad can even be seen in the collage, wearing an even more elusive smile! (PolenMom is in the button pic, on the side.)

I am hoping the other twins will send me their favorite photos, which we can then add to the page. . .

I also have one of my favorite photos ever, which will be the source of my next post, in about three minutes.

May 25, 2005

Mothin’ it up

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 9:53 am

Last night’s show at the Moth, despite some technical difficulties in the sound booth (that Twin A had nothing to do with), was awesome. The theme was “Man and Beast”, and included a story about a horse first sent to the slaughterhouse, but rescued and went on to be a winner at a huge show, as well as our friend Lee Aaron Blair, who told about battling a cockroach in real life and his arch-nemesis virtually via online poker (the cockroach lost, the arch-nemesis won, by accidental surrender). There was also a great revenge story, a story about a woman and the relationship she forms with her guide dog, and a story about an unwanted hunting experience (that took place in Dutchess County - w00t!). Combined with free Hendrick’s Gin, it was a fine fine evening.

Here’s a scary picture of Twin A I took last night:

Scaaaaaaaaaaaaaary!

The scariest thing about it is that if this is the best my new camera phone can do in terms of a flash, I got screwed. Of course, after the Verizon “two year trade in” plan and a $50 rebate, the phone was free, so I can’t really complain. And it sure does play “Eye of the Tiger”.

May 24, 2005

Another IM goes (horribly?) awry.

Filed under: IM Madness — Twin C @ 2:52 pm

Twin A and I were IMing about this and that, and look what happens:

(typical Polenberg kvetchery)

drplacebo: it’s amazing that we’re only as fucked up as we are, and are capable of happiness at all.

Twin C 723: well, i hate you, and i wear underwear on my head.

drplacebo: yeah, well, i hate you, and i taped a KICK ME I’M JEWISH sign to my ass.

Twin C 723: yeah, well, i hate you and i have sex with watermelons, including the vodkamelon we tried to make at burning man in 2001.

drplacebo: yeah, well, i hate you, and i’ve got a Golden Retrievers Of 2005 calendar on my wall, with a hole cut in each Golden Retriever’s butt that i’ve lubed, and have sex with, EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH!

drplacebo: that’s gross, btw, about the vodkamelon. eww.

drplacebo: i’m going to get lunch. obviously i have won this battle of hatred.

Twin C 723: i was laughing too hard to respond.

finis

A Brilliant Idea or a Horrible Waste of Time

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 9:31 am

Since PSB is going to be off galavanting with a bunch of crazy Burner types in Texas this weekend, I’d like to invite anyone interested over this Saturday to the Astoria Compound for a little movie marathon: Freddie vs. Jason followed by Alien vs. Predator, with Sorority Boys thrown in for good measure (I caught part of it on Comedy Central, and it looks bad enough to be great). We could also finally break in my Dark Tower, which is dying to be played.

Big Mike is actually as excited about all of this as I am. You should join us.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention how Mike Daisey in one of his shows warned humanity about how horrible Alien vs. Predator is- “Whoever wins, we lose”, indeed. I’m willing to take it on, despite his reprehensions.

May 23, 2005

Another Polenberg site. Sort of.

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 4:33 pm

Ah yes. Nothing like shirking all work responsibilities and finding www.poelenburg.com, an old Dutch site that doesn’t seem to be up right now, but was cached on Google. From the website, courtesy of translation by Alta Vista:

“Occupants always complained concerning the large distance between district occupants and district governing board. For this reason the district governing board Polenburg has opened its own Internet site: Poelenburg.net. get the district occupants as firsts already the news in the district also can to the district occupants ask to couples to the district governing board if give their opinion concerning all kinds of matter which plays in the district.”

Rockin’ at Tonic

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 1:02 pm

Although Twin A and his electro-cohorts can often be found in the basement, aka SubTonic, there’s some good stuff happening upstairs this week - tomorrow night is a benefit for an indie film featuring an old acquaintence of mine, Lucy Woodward, who is one of the most famous people who (probably still) knows my name - she had a top 40 hit last year with “Dumb Girls”, which I proudly have on my pseudopod mp3 player. She has an amazing voice and her tunes are alt-poppy with an edge. Unfortunately, I can’t make it, but for good reason - the Moth has its members show that night. However, I will be rocking out with Twin D on Thursday night, as Corn Mo and the Trachtenburg Family Slide Show Players are playing a set at 8 p.m. Both are fun and funny and awesome, and everyone should come.

(Twin D, this was a perfect reason for your second post, but I’m beating you to it. You SUCK. Love, Twin C.)

Assdialing

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 12:24 pm

So, I don’t do TV. I like my media a little warmer, know whut I’m sayin’?

But, for those of you who may have/watch their TVs, I ask you this:

Why hasn’t anyone made a sitcom episode about assdialing?

For those of you who are confused, a dictionary definition:

Assdialing (ass-dye-ling) Verb: To dial a phone with your ass, pocket, or any object in your pocket, generally resulting in a 5-7 minute voice mail message of ambient noise, heavy breathing, or birds chirping in the park. Often happens when least expected or desired. Also known as “Pocket calling.”

I used to have an assdialing problem, and then my friends bitched me out hard, and I have solved that problem, with the help of my phone’s mediocre assdialing-prevention interface.

But, two scenarios:

A happy couple seems sooo happy. But the guy is cheating on his ladyfriend. He’s out at a bar with his lover, having told his girlfriend that he’s out bowling with “the guys”, and then he assdials his girlfriend! Oh, the pain she feels as she listens to him butter up his new lover at the fancy bar where he refuses to take his girlfriend! Oh, the sorrow! And then he comes home, and she bashes him with a frying pan! Oh, the humanity!

A guy’s ass, instead of the usual assdialing, starts asstexting! The ass has a mind of its own! It falls in love with this girl, and keeps texting her to meet him for drinks, go to the movies, etc. Then the ass has to text itself to convince the guy to go keep these meetings! He’s totally confused! It’s so funny!

Clearly I was meant to write for television, go home every night feeling compromised, and drink myself to sleep with the promise that “tomorrow it’ll all be better, tomorrow it’ll all be so much better.”

The Big Move.

Filed under: PolenNews — Twin C @ 10:38 am

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to formally announce that as our friend Robin will be moving to Colorado, I will be moving in with the lovely Princess Sugar Britches on July 1st. This ends almost eight years in my apartment with Big Mike, which has been really great, but I loves my PSB and look forward to sharing a domicile with her. It’s also interesting that I’ve been in the city for over ten years, and this will be the first time I’ve lived in Manhattan.

This also leads to a slight complication: My lease in Astoria isn’t up until the end of September. I will need a subletter for three months, after which I am off the hook, so to speak. If I must, I will suck it up and pay three months of double rent, but I’m hoping we can find someone. Does anyone need a room in Astoria? $575 a month plus expenses (another $100 or so for gas, electric, phone and DSL) in a small but cute apartment with a fascinating roommate and an amazing half hour commute to mid-town (Brooklyn can’t claim that shit!)? Let me know.

Frog and Piggie Wedding

Filed under: Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 10:32 am

Well, no. Neither the groom nor the bride were a frog or a pig, but any time there’s a wedding that annoying song from “The Muppets Take Manhattan” jumps into my head. Then Miss Piggie hoddwinks Kermit into marrying her, onstage, with a real

Saturday night one of my coworkers got married, and the entire team and various other folks from the office were invited. Fortunately, I wasn’t sat at a table with my horrible annoying coworker, or the fussy eater coworker (who earned many points with me by trying to get me voiceover work with the audiovisual company that was at the horrible meeting from last week). Unfortunately, I was forced to sit across from the two people that I did know at the table, by some other company employees who were very insistent that “these were their seats and they weren’t moving”. Other than REALLY loving their seats, they were generally nice.

After waiting two hours to start eating (the reception started at 6:30, with a minimum of appetizers left on a table, touched and drooled on by all the children), the food started to arrive. It was a 15 course meal, and actually by the end, we got denied our last course since they didn’t bring a separate dessert, only wedding cake. Regardless, the food just didn’t stop coming. Most of it was pretty good - I really enjoyed the shark fin soup, but I couldn’t bring myself to try the abalone - just not big on snails. In a fit of tipsiness/ravenousness, I did try some weird green meat thing on the “cold appetizer” tray, which wasn’t disgusting enough to complain about but not tasty enough to eat all of.

Our waiters were all very good at setting out food and clearing dishes (whether we were done with them or not), but HORRIBLE when it came to liquids. We asked for more wine and pitchers of water for hours, and they never ever brought them. People ended up drinking the melted ice water, and we stole a bottle of white wine from another table, as they weren’t drinking it.

By the time 11 p.m. rolled around, I had been there two hours longer than I had hoped to, and the DJ stopped playing love songs and started playing Usher. It was time to go. Off to PSB’s for some late-nite smooching and some much needed sleep.

Sunday was much less eventful. PSB and I had a nice brunch with a friend of hers and his wife. I ended bringing the friend to poker that night as well, as we had room at the table. He didn’t fare too well, but the Polenberg boys did just fine. Twin D had an incredible run of cards at one point - we were playing a wild card game, and he had four aces, a royal flush, and a straight flush (beating my four of a kind) three hands in a row. The table also featured a Hold Em hand of pocket aces versus pocket aces, and a game of five card stud with my first four cards (one down and three up) all being nines. Earlier in the day I took down a $235 pot playing online - I had pocket kings and the other player had pocket aces, but a king hit the flop. I got insanely lucky, but it made up for some crappy luck earlier in the day. I did get too greedy and tumbled away from $4000, so now I have to build back again. All in good time.

May 20, 2005

SUPERMEGAULTRAKVETCH!

Filed under: Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 10:27 am

That’s right. I’m home.

I have decided that I’d rather eat whatever nasty hissing cockroaches they feature on Fear Factor than go back to Chicago, ever. This has been decided by the fact that it took me seven hours to get home yesterday, which included not getting on a standby flight, being sent to the wrong desk for my second standby, which I would have missed had it not been delayed by an hour, then getting onto the standby flight but sitting on the tarmac for an hour and a half. When I made it back to LGA, it looked like my luggage would be hopelessly lost, until I looked to the side of the carousel, where it was waiting for me. Apparently it had made it onto the first standby flight that I didn’t make it on. I should have packed myself in the bag - I would have made it home faster.

Anyway, I’m back at my desk, I’ve learned nothing about my future with the company (AKA “are they doing away with my position?”) except that they are foolish enough to think that I do a good job, and that I am truly truly going to kill the obnoxious bitch on my team. I’m drowning in paperwork, I have 20 things to do, I’m supposed to leave at 2:00 this afternoon, but it seems pointless since I can’t do my laundry because of the stupid weather. I’m dying to play some computer Hold Em, as well as start on God mode of God of War, but my apartment needs some cleaning - the vaccuum must come out.

PSB is off to New Haven tonight for a Moth show, so I can geek it up tonight. I did make it over to her place last night, but I was so zombified I can’t imagine I was much fun. Sorry honey!

I missed you, Polenblog. Two minutes of comment kvetching does not satisfy my soul.

Now I will do work. Feh!

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