May 31, 2005

He Hit Me First!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 2:41 pm

So, Polenblog readers, I bet you have always wanted to know the primal scene from which the rage of the Polenbergs continues to emit.

Well, imagine this.

It is a sunny day. Two young boys are playing in the ashpalt driveway of a suburban house. The house has wood siding, and the boys are hitting a tennis ball against the side of the house. This not only makes a loud thumping noise, but it stains the wood siding. This will later make the boys’ father Very Angry and lead to a moratorium on tennis-playing against the house. But, well. They’re still playing tennis. Then, wholly and totally unprovoked, one of the boys, let’s call him “C”, SMASHES the other boy, let’s call him “A” over the bridge of the nose with his tennis racket! A deliberate attempt to make this young boy’s Jew-nose-cartilage swell up and make him look like more of a nosey-ass Jew than he already looked like! The boy cries and cries. Then he picks up the hoe, yeah, he picks up the hoe, and gives to to the boy called “C”. With the business end. Yeah. Right in the nutz.

There are those that will tell you that this story happened in a reverse chronological order, but they be some lying-ass bitches, yo.

Word.

That’s the hidden wellspring from which all the rage, spite, and utter crankiness of the Polenbergs flows. Also, Darth Vader is growing hair.

Another good “acting” job?

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 11:55 am

Just found this off a website:

Reality Poker Cruise
Project Type: Reality Television Show

7 day Reality Poker Cruise on Norwegian Cruise Lines. Play Poker and participate in outrageous stunts, while visiting exotic locations.

Shooting will begin July 24. Submission deadline is 6/23.

Seeking males/females, all ages. Professional Poker playing skills are NOT required for selection. However, you must be outgoing, adventurous, and competitive.

Please apply on our website: www.(you wish I’m going to tell you what it is! it’s MINE!!!!).com

I went to the site and filled out the really long and annoying application, which included such ingenious questions as “Which term best describes you - sex, drugs, or rock and roll? (I said sex. Aw yeah! Good thing I just made my own softcore porn! [see previous post]) as well as “Which celebrity do you most identify with and why? (Lacking any sort of good answer, I said “Brad Pitt, because he and I both had sex with Jennifer Anniston”. My apologies to Brad and Jen.) To add insult to injury, you have to pay $10 to have them process your background check. Can we say, “a fool and his money are soon parted”? Oh well. I can make $10 in 30 seconds online. If I get chosen to go on this cruise, $10 is a small price to pay. The cruise takes off the day after my birthday, and that would be a hell of a present.

At my desk, y’all.

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 10:11 am

Dag, yo. How do the weekends, even the long weekends, go away so fast?

The rest of the weekend was spent playing a bunch of new video games, catching up on sleep, and then yesterday I headed out to Twin B and Seen Kaplan’s abode, in Crooklyn, for a tasty barbecue. We talked about 3D printing and codified systems for seeing auras, played with a hula hoop, and watched a really bad softcore porn movie called “Suck It & See” that was left under Twin B’s bed by the guy who used to live there. More entertaining was the educational film “Suck It With C” that I created for them. It starred me and Twin A, and went something like this:

Twin C: This is an egg.

*SLUUUUUUURP*

Twin C: This is a lollypop.

*SLUUUUUUURP*

Twin C: This is a milkshake.

*SLUUUUUUURP*

Twin C: The end.

Twin A: I feel cheated!!!

Twin C: SORRY, SUCKERS!!!!

PSB is back from Texas, sunburnt and fried. I am hoping she will guest-blog her experiences at Flipside. I went over to her place to meet her last ngiht, and accidentally walked in on her roommate, walking around with no shirt on. (Sorry, fellas, she was still in her bra.) I also did not realize that I had to go take care of her cat on Sunday (no one was home for a few days), so poor Marilyn ran out of water for a bit. I think she’s fine though. She was back to her whiny self at 5 a.m. this morning. I’ve developed a pretty good imitation of her - call or ask me if you want to hear it.

This morning, because I had to get my timesheet handed in as quickly as possible, I made it to work before 9:15 for the first time in a while (except for that one morning I had to be here at 8:30), and no one was around for me to say “look, look!”. Then I realized that (probably due to my own slackiness) the majority of my team comes in around the same time I usually do, between 9:30 and 10. What a good influence I am!

One of the other admins has conjunctivitis and has just gone home. I should have had her rub her eyeballs on me.

How was your weekend?

May 28, 2005

Whole lotta movies.

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 11:15 pm

Big Mike, Chris D., Candy Blue Kite and I just watched four movies - AVP, Freddie vs. Jason, Sorority Boys, and Shaun of the Dead, brought by Candy. Out of these four movies, we only expected Shuan to be good. However, we were super-surprised to thoroughly enjoy ALL four films. Well, Big Mike despised Sorority Boys, but I think it was because he liked the boys dressed like girls. Har har!

Hope your weekend is going as well as ours!

May 27, 2005

It Too Can Be Yours…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 8:43 pm

If, say, you want a 15″ monitor with red shiny sticker paper all over it. In an effort to Maximize Space Used In Der Studio, I’ve upgraded to the cheapest-ass 14″ LCD panel available on Newegg. The 15″ monitor is very nice, max resolution ummm maybe 1200 x 1024? I dunno, 1024 x 768 looks good on it. Anyway, let me know if you want it before Monday evening and I’ll set aside for you instead of putting it in the hallway.

In other conspicuous consumption news, HOLY SHIT do the Mackie 450s I just bought (used) for the Node sound incredible. Hot damn!

Four thousand dollars.

Filed under: PolenNews — Twin C @ 6:23 pm

After a really hot session online, I’ve actually broken the $4000 mark. It actually could have been more like $4200, but I played it safe on an all-in hand - i folded pocket kings to a big double reraise that to me said “somebody else has aces!!!”, but in actuality it turned out to be pocket queens versus ace-king, and the queens held up. Oh well. Still a nice way to start out my weekend!

I heard from poor PSB, who is apparently having a HORRIBLE time so far at Flipside! I hope it gets better for her. . .

From Now On,

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 11:23 am

if I tell y’alls that I’m going to a concert and you live in the NYC area, you should come with me. Corn Mo rocked me harder than I ever would have thought possible. “Hava Nagila Monster”, “The ByeBye Girls”, “The Day Jason Klein Cried”, “Maybe Tonight”. . . I could go on and on. Corn Mo can write huge, epic songs and yet you can completely identify with them. Just fucking awesome. I’m on his mailing list now, and will see him again post haste. The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players also put on a hell of a show (despite some jackasses who had to push into the two feet in front of Twin D, D’s Squeeze, and me, and then repeatedly stepped on my toes and/or backed into me), and Mr. Mo joined them for a few songs to boot.

I met up with Olga for a late night birthday sushi feast after the concert (I also had sushi the night before with PSB before she left - hey, I believe Twin B requested a sushi expose. This is officially the first installment), and got to bed laaaaaaaaaaaate. Not being very productive here at the day job. Killing off a few more hours (love them early Fridays!!!!), and then I’ve got some DVDs to rent. Yessssssssssssssss.

As you know, PSB is off in a forest outside of Austin, Texas for Flipside, a regional Burning Man event, but she’s getting a cell phone signal so I’m able to keep in touch. I’m glad. She needed the vacation, but I’m happy that we’re not incommunicado.

Hey, remember those 156 Starbucks cards I ordered last month? Well, I got a package today, with an unrecognizable return address. When I popped it open, it was. . . a Starbucks Card Corporate Sales notebook. Nice, try, Starbucks. You would have been better off sending me a $5 card. I have enough bound paper in my cube to last me for years. I don’t need your stinking notebook. So I’m going to give it to Twin A.

May 26, 2005

We Apologize For The Inconvenience, Really

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 11:29 pm

So who knows why the fuck my DSL went down so hard today, but there it went. And I didn’t get home to reboot until now, which is midnight. Sorry, Polenblog-addicts. I hope you didn’t fall too hard.

My Third Asspost

Filed under: IM Madness — Twin A @ 3:37 pm

This is the IM conversation that Twin C and I are having this very minute:

[14:43] drplacebo: rager.
[14:43] twinc723: i took some drugs but it’s not going away
[14:43] twinc723: blargh.
[15:07] drplacebo: more drugs! more drugs!
[15:10] twinc723: druggie druggie druggie druggie
[15:51] drplacebo: druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs
[15:52] twinc723: druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs
[15:52] twinc723: just heard from PSB in texas
[15:52] twinc723: they’re still shopping
[15:53] drplacebo: for drugs!
[15:53] twinc723: at drugs.com!
[15:57] drplacebo: my favorite!
[16:00] twinc723: buy all your drugs at drugs dot com, yes buy all your drugs at drugs dot com!
[16:01] drplacebo: here i go!
[16:01] drplacebo: yay!
[16:01] twinc723: i’ll take some vicadin, please!
[16:02] drplacebo: i’ll take the morphine for $200!
[16:03] twinc723: ooh, morphine!
[16:04] twinc723: pill spill on aisle 4, i mean, never mind, they were all eaten by eager customers!
[16:04] twinc723: (too bad it was EXLAX!!!! har har har har!)
[16:06] drplacebo: oh noooooooooooooooo
[16:06] twinc723: how’s your arrgh now, arrghy?
[16:06] twinc723: or is it arggh?
[16:06] twinc723: no, arrgh.
[16:13] drplacebo: it’s nonexistant, it’s already exploded. you bastard!
[16:15] twinc723: you need to ass blog again.
[16:20] drplacebo: look, i’m no assblogger
[16:20] twinc723: third ass post is the charm!
[16:21] drplacebo: oh yeah! here it comes!

My third asspost is now complete.

Love,
Twin A

My favorite picture.

Filed under: PolenBabble — Twin C @ 11:48 am

Is it a mailroom?

I found this picture in my desk when I worked at a hotel many years ago. I don’t know where it came from (it doesn’t look like the interior of the hotel at all), I don’t know when it was taken, and I don’t know who’s in it. All I know is that it is AMAZING.

If you know any of these people, or where they might be, please let me know.

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