March 31, 2005

Where Have All the Creme Eggs Gone???

Filed under: Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 2:04 pm

I’m really too busy to be posting, but I must bitch.

Where the fuck is the bonanza of post-Easter Creme Eggs? I’ve been to three drug stores, and nobody has extra Easter candy anywhere! Did Eckert and Duane Reade order their Eggs this year accurately based on last year’s pre-Easter sales? Did Christians denounce chocolate? Did Cadbury hear of my infatuation and is sending me a “Piss off, Jew!” message?

I only have four left. Fuck.

Anybody find any? Can I buy some off of you?

End Of Ice Party

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 2:03 pm

Hey y’all. I’m bringing mad blinkies and generally being a monkey for this party tomorrow. Complacent parties always have a really good vibe, interesting and varied musics, and this one’s going to have lots of pretty interesting live performance. It’s in 3 different spaces in Dumbo, also. Information follows…

end of ice
April 1st from 8pm to 8am

@ 3 locations in Dumbo Brooklyn:
57 Jay St. from 8pm to 2am
25 Jay St. from 11pm to 4am
Undisclosed from 2am to 8am

F train to York St.
& walk towards the Manhattan skyline.

$10 gets you into all three spaces
all night long (pay once only).

Proceeds from this event benefit the upcoming
renegade street party: First Warm Night

Map & Details:
http://www.firstwarmnight.com/ice
(212) 252-2051

end of ice : part one : the thaw
8pm to 2am @ Dumba Space 57 Jay St.

Spring unfolding opening ritual: enter the center of
the thaw from the trance of the bellydance to the
swirls of an authentic whirling dervish. A New York
combo of the baddest bands in the land featuring Global
Amalgamations Amazulu Crew and Akim Funk Buddha ,
The Shift [dankfunk.com] drops a funky soulful
house and trip-hop DJ set with live vocals, saxophone,
and electronic violin, plus Subatomic Soundsystem rocks
a live dub laptop and DJ set with 3 mics of MCs and
vocalists, all starting with the spark-spark-explode
of the Chronic Electronic Orchestra [Brooklyn Media
Labs] a smokin live hi-tech soul set at 8:30pm sharp!

Plus, Springtime Industrial Fairy Fashion Show by C
Spot Designs featuring handmade wearable art gear, Bora
Yoon [borayoon.com] brings vocals, electronic violin, and
synthetic sound symphonies, plus Rhiannon [sisternyc.com /
lunatarium.com] with vocal stylings, drums, and audio FX.
Hosting and comedic interludes provided by Kurt of
Chunk and Chengwin infamy.

end of ice : part two : the heat
11pm to 4 am @ 25 Jay St.

DJs $mall Change & Shakey school you with future
classics, rare grooves, and everything in between,
Nic Fit with live freetekno and broken beat, DJ Tantrik
of soularticmusic sends you soaring with a spacey tribal
shakedown set, Arrow Chome of Biotour.org with world beat
fusion, The Amazing Jordan makes it lush and lovely
with funky and soulful house, and live drum kit
by Jerome to deepen the DJ rhythms. Plus, The Hungry
March Band creates controversy with an outlaw brass
halftime show with indiscrete wardrobe malfunctions.

Chew on visuals by Missy Galore, the Peripheral Media
Project, Mark Read, Feedbuck, Pete 23, and Seth
Tobocman. All with sound by Havoc and entrance by Steve
B, Jasper and Fay and fire/ice sculpture by Josh K.

end of ice : part three : the chill
2am - 8am - at the undisclosed.

Nova Clutch w/ Hi Fi dropping live dub delicacies [Casa
Nova Studios], Camea [Sister NYC/ Shag] dishes the
luscious and sultry latenight tech house, Sky Tucker
[Record Camp] breaks your heart with ambient-electro
IDM, DJ Courage [Courage Promotions] makes you move
with broken beat, house, and jazzy dnb; Winkel
[Lunatarium/ Casa Nova Studios] takes you back with a
special classic 45 set Rhiannon starts trouble and
stirs the soul on live vocals. Plus, Visuals by Mojo
Video Tech.

Directions to our final destination will be posted
at both 25 Jay St. and 57 Jay St. (think: cozy,
private and warm…)

Details: http://www.firstwarmnight.com/ice

Flame War Hilarity.

Filed under: IM Madness, HA!, Burns — Twin C @ 11:12 am

My friends RJ and John Devore get into it in the comments section of RJ’s blog, Procrastinet. I hope he doesn’t mind, but I’m posting them here because they make me laugh SO hard. They’re arguing about the state of theater and Peter O’Toole’s comments in the Guardian UK, but I don’t even think you need to know that. . . I wish I could come up with such luscious insults off the cuff like these boys. Enjoy!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Procrastinet
Comments: The Withered Husk of Peter O’Toole Completely Loses Its Mind

RJ, you’re such a pompous whiner.

Bad art exists subsidized or on the free market.

And I’d go so far as to say that artists who owe no responsibility to an audience or a bottomline are encouraged to crawl into their own navel and rot.

Collegiate theater anyone?

Move to Britain, you goateed Marxist windbag. Go to Britain and make sure a funeral cortege of wannabe sell-out off-off-broadway “artistes” with you.

Posted by devore at March 30, 2005 12:08 PM

Look, beyotch, all I’m saying is if I’m going to be a smart-aleck twat, I’d rather be a PAID smart-aleck twat. Not all of us have figured out how to sell our mental flatulence to Maxim.

And if you’re going to try to tell me that you didn’t have more fun doing snotty, whiny, entitled college theatre than scraping around the periphery doing nights-and-weekends budgetless self-prod in Billyburg, I’m going to say you’re a liar as well as a faux contrarian pseudo-cynic.

Posted by rjt at March 30, 2005 12:24 PM

Don’t project your self-hatred on me, you fancy ass, tap-dancing vegetard.

And your slight to scrappy, sincere little po-dunk theater’s in Billyburg is duly noted, fat mouth. You’ll never work on that block again. Oh, I have that power. How will you know? Burning effigies, my friend. Cotton goatees on fire.

And no, I didn’t enjoy the deafening vaccum of college theater. That’s decorative art for dead people.

You want an easy paycheck? There are no easy paychecks. I labor blindly and one day the little piles of shit that I step into will maybe, not really, but maybe be a wee little pot of gold.

The rewards of art transcend the petty, pinheaded definitions of what we’re told success is. Per your previous post, chasing a band through the rain with your son is one such mark of success that transcends the tawdry earthly ones.

Also: you’re a goat-licking, nipple-shaving, body odor-rife mounteback with poor metaphysical hygene. If you were a fruit, you’d be a pineapple. Ungainly, full of thorny prickly leaves, and you taste great with vodka.

Suck on that vengence, Stalin.

Posted by devore at March 30, 2005 12:34 PM

You misspelled “hygiene” and “vengeance.”

That said, I yield in the face of your superior flame war kung fu.

There’s lots of substantive discussion to be had on this topic, which I can’t get into because I’ll just start calling you names again. Suffice it to say that, whatever the cause, the theatre in London is for the most part really, really good.

Polyp.

-R

Posted by rjt at March 30, 2005 12:54 PM

Oh, you think i’ll let you off that easy, you fudge juggling, playground gravel chewing, neanderthal ballerina blog trash dryer sheet sniffing lover of festering ziggerauts of doggie doo on the corner of your nearest street?

ok.

xo

Posted by devore at March 30, 2005 01:49 PM

March 30, 2005

living with big mike and c

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin B @ 11:11 pm

this reminds me of a time when I was being raised by the wolves. It was
cold and bleak winter, not much food to go around. Till we took down
a large buck, I can still feel its warm blood on my face as we ate its intestines.
Picked the bones clean. Like a box of cookies in the kitchen.

are you people happy now, I wet myself with memories.
all over twin c’s living room.

theres a reason I don’t post.
its sort of like the goldberg parachute.
but nothing like it at all.
hence the irony.
moving moving moving!!!!!

A Conversation with B

Filed under: PolenBabble, Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch! — Twin C @ 10:45 am

Here’s a conversation I had last night with Twin B:

C: Hey B!

B: Mwaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. . .

C: B, why don’t you post to the Polenblog? We want you and Twin D to post already! The point of the Polenblog is for all of us to be posting.

B: Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr. . .

C: It’s really fun, too. Go log in and type something. Type anything! Complain about stuff! It’s what I do! I made a Kvetch! category specifically for bitching!

B: Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr. . .

C: You and Twin D are lamos.

B: Wrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnn. Bacon.

Finis

What is astounding to me is that, as a Polenberg, B and D should have NO problem finding something to complain about. It’s in our blood. When I win the World Series of Poker, I plan on bitching that I have to give so much of it to taxes, even though I believe the filthy rich SHOULD pay more in taxes. What the hell do you need all that money for? Give all the poor and middle class people a frickin’ break! Um, I digress.

Work is going to suck today. One of the people on my team is going to be out for two weeks, and I am going to be tutored by her as I have to take over her responsibilities, which means I have to be in charge of this whole system of grants - grants coming into the office, entering them into the database, sending them to the grant review committee, replying to people when their grants are approved/denied, sending people their checks when they come in, blah blah blah, I’m not happy about this at all, and my reward for doing a manager’s work for two weeks? $100 on my “Stars Card” - a credit card that can be used at certain stores. It used to be up to $500 at a time, but they’ve cut the program back because we have too many employees and not enough profit. Well, at least I’ll get some sort of bonus. I’m sure there are admins out there who have to do extra work all the time and get nothing but irritated.

No more Creme Eggs in the pantry. I have to remember to hit a drug store on the way home today. . .

March 29, 2005

Best. Workday. Ever.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin C @ 10:51 am

I’m late to work (as usual) and I head into the pantry to get myself some free coffee, to counteract the $3.75 Pret A Manger egg salad on a baguette which is really tasty but WAY too expensive. As I am making my pseudo-mocha in the Flavia machine, I look over to see a soda bucket, filled not with ice and Pepsi One, but Easter Candy. LOTS of Easter Candy. Including at least eight Creme Eggs. I stay calm, although I am dancing around like Snoopy during “Flash Beagle!” in my head. Not wanting to appear like too much of a pig, I only grab four. (I already got two yesterday from the pantry, when there was a much smaller collection of Easter Candy, and I thought “this may be my only chance!” How happily wrong I was.) A coworker comes in, grabs another four, and says “I don’t really want to eat these, but they’re good to keep by my desk.” Her cube is one away from mine. So theoretically, I could eat HER Creme Eggs, because she’s not going to, and then eat MY Creme Eggs later on. AWESOME. And I haven’t even been to a drug store yet to cash in on the “four for $1″ action that is no doubt occurring as I type.

Mike Daisey was awesome last night, talking about games and relationships and central Maine. His wife and their family play some crazy game called Stinko (?) involving multiple decks - it sounds like a cross between Double Solitare, Spit, and Chains and Malice (or, as we know it, Chinese Charity). I have already asked her to teach me how to play. I also caught the second half of The Moth’s story slam - the theme was Nerds and Geeks, and there were some fantastic stories, including one by a friend who talked about the horrors of his Junior Prom, and taking a limo from Westchester into NYC and not knowing where to go. Excellent story, MD!

I have to (eat some Creme Eggs) go do some work now.

Announcing: Heteronormative.org

Filed under: PolenNews — Twin A @ 12:42 am

Hey Polenblog fantatics!

Keep up with my and Sarah’s imminent nuptials at Heteronormative.Org — or at least go look at our web design and pretty pictures. Soon it will have lots of pictures of kittens. But for now, enjoy it for the, um, the stuff. Yup. It’s probably the nicest site I’ve ever designed. That’s because we designed it together. Awwww.

March 28, 2005

Bad News for a Great Band

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin C @ 4:02 pm

I love Gothamist, and here’s a good reason why. I never would have learned about this otherwise - someone stole the Decemberists’ gear trailer in mid-March! The trailer was found a few days later, with their merchandise still there but all their instruments gone. How insanely crappy! Go check out their news here.

Nice Weekend. Bad Sportsmanship.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin C @ 11:25 am

Happy day after Easter, everyone! Today is “Cheap Ass Easter Candy Starts Today!” Day. I gots ta pick me up some of those Cadbury Creme Eggs. They are the best. It took me a while to get back into them, as an ex-girlfriend used to buy them for me and give them to me over the course of the year. When we broke up, she gave me a HUGE bag of them (she kept them in the freezer), and I couldn’t eat them, let alone look at them. I think I brought them to a party and left them there. But I’m over their emotional scarring aspects and back into their outrageously yummy goodness.

Princess Sugar Britches (hereby known as PSB from now on. Not to be confused with PBR.) and I had a lovely weekend together. We shacked up at her place and had a couple over for dinner on Friday night and Saturday night. Friday night was Mike Daisey and his wife Jean Michelle, who are both great people and really fun to hang out with - Mike is an amazing actor/storyteller who is currently performing at PS 122 in a show called All Stories Are Fiction, in which he creates a story about his life and a certain topic with rather little prep time (usually an hour or so before showtime), and then performs it on stage. It’s riveting. I’ve seen him in a number of shows, and he ROCKS. You can check him out here and I’m going to put him in as a Friend of Polenblog shortly. Saturday night was Twin A and his sweetie, which was also a blast. We got Twin A so drunk he never made it to the party he was supposed to be going to. NICE!

PSB and I have what I think is a pretty good deal. She cooks, and I wash the dishes and clean up. I don’t really care about cooking. When I do cook, it stresses me out. I have to follow the recipe to the letter and make sure nothing burns and it had better come out perfectorIamnevercookingagain. . . you get the idea. So it’s so much better for me to be anal retentive about the cleaning and dishwashing, and have her cook. I think I washed the salad. That was more than enough for me.

Sunday night I played poker with Twin D and some friends of ours. I am a HUGE poker fan. I play online A LOT. There are some weeks where I have four table games that I’ve been invited to. I am a member of a number of poker rooms in the city (I don’t go very often, as my “bankroll” [my poker playing money] is online, and my skillz, while somewhat mad, are not quite mad enough yet for lots of “big money” playing. I’m getting there. I do intend on playing the $10,000 World Series of Poker Main Event in Las Vegas within five years.). The game last night started well for me - catching some good cards and winning some big pots. Big, in this case, is $3, which is chump change for me. This is a small money table for the most part. It’s a $10 buy-in, nickel-dime-quarter kind of stuff, with a few exceptions. People win or lose anywhere from $2 to $20 over the course of the night. Meanwhile, I can win or lose $50 - $100 in one hand online, depending on the circumstances. At one point there was some ugliness at the table when Twin D was caught in a hand which he thought he had a tie for the best “low” hand, but there had been a recent rule change that wasn’t made clear in his opinion (as well as mine) which gave him the second best low hand, and he had to fold after investing $6 into the hand. I was involved with the hand as well (going for the “high” half) so I couldn’t really argue one way or the other - it didn’t seem fair to me. As it turned out, Twin D ended up doing just fine for the night, but my luck took a precarious downturn in the last 45 minutes. I went from a $15 profit to, at one point, being $30 behind. Some of it was stupid betting and some of it was bad luck, but I started to get really really angry, as it seemed that everyone else was hitting exactly what they needed, and I kept missing over and over and over. So when I dumped $11 on a hand, and then $12 on the next consecutive hand, I started slamming my cards and money on the table and pouting. In retrospect, I regret acting like a spoiled five year old, but at the time I was just so ANGRY!!!! And it’s so dumb, because it’s for such a relatively small amount of money! I just hate losing. Especially after being in a winning position. I ended up down $14. I’ve done this enough times that the guys are all used to it. Twin D teases me about it, and I deserve it. I’ve actually sent out apology e-mails the day after poker saying how sorry I was that I acted like such an asshole. This is the other reason I like to play online instead of face-to-face: I can scream my head off at the computer and pound my wrist pad and kick the recycling bag when I make a stupid play or get screwed on a hand and lose a lot of money, and nobody knows except for my roommate. It’s much better for everyone that way.

(UPDATE: Being a poor loser stems WAY back in the family history. The first time Twin A heard me swear was when he beat me in Stratego. I think I flipped over the board as well.)

Back at my desk at work today. It’s a ghost town. My manager is in Paris until Thursday. Unfortunately, I may need to take some time off instead of enjoying the quiet, as my grandfather is very sick and we think he may die within the next few days. I need to check on my company’s bereavement policies.

More babbling later.

March 25, 2005

Can We Get Over Postmodernism Already? The Wooster Group’s House/Lights

Filed under: Uncategorized — Twin A @ 1:42 pm

Along with Richard Foreman and The Living Theater, The Wooster Group are one of NYC’s longest lived avant-garde theater companies, having produced nearly 20 shows over the last 30 years. Their latest, House/Lights, a revisioning of Gertrude Stein’s “Doctor Faustus Lights The Lights,” is playing at St. Ann’s Artspace in Dumbo right now. Sarah and I shelled out our $30 to see this play last night, and it is clearly the last Wooster Group show we will ever spend our hard-earned money to be annoyed by.

The play was nothing more than a collection of postmodern sight-gags, the most annoying of them the constant use of Macintosh OS9 system sounds as punctuation of the characters’ speech. There was gratuitous microphone handling noise, lots of running around and pushing desks up and down seesaw-like apparatuses on the stage, mediocre live video composition on a couple of monitors at the front of the stage, and a character who just sat at a desk pushing buttons on a computer. The most annoying bit of gratuitous postmodernism was the obligatory text inserted into the main text, which was a movie called “Olga’s House Of Shame”, a trashy period piece from what appeared to be the late 50s, about chicks dominating each other on an island somewhere as part of some kind of smuggling ring. Did this add to the meaning/’meaning’ of the Gertrude Stein text? Um, no. It did give the cast something to do, which was to sort of enact the scenes from OHOS while they played on the video monitors.

Yet I only describe incidents that happen on stage, and not a plot. Why? Because there was no plot. The entire production had a feeling of flatness about it, that it was an excercise to get from imaginary Point A to imaginary Point B, but with no narrative distance between them. Yo, people have been doing this for twenty years now. There is in fact nothing new about making a big techologically-savvy mess. And it’s obviously not impossible to use the techniques to either make a compelling spectacle or genuinely moving piece of theater — Big Art Group does live video compositing ten times better, Richard Foreman has people running around the stage and repeating gestures in a way that actually creates a theatrical world — there was nothing about this play worth keeping, except for possibly the Viper, who was kind of funny, the only gag that worked. Like most of the other gags, it had the feeling of being thought of during an incredibly stoned improv session — sometimes stoners are, in fact, funny.

Maybe our biggest beef with the play was that it seemed somehow disrespectful to Gertrude Stein, who doesn’t get enough credit for being an incredibly visionary babe. This disrespect came not only through the fact that Gert was only read through a ‘funny voice’ filter, which could have been OK in another context, but read through the interleaved crappy 50s movie a fascinating text was brought down to the level of kitsch.

Is the Wooster Group trying to tell us something besides the fact that we’re suckers? If House/Lights was a statement about theater, it was that cute irony and the cheap joke are more relevant than any potential meaning of a text. The first Wooster production I saw, Can You Hear, Bird, succeeded on the level of spectacle, and I left the theater satisfied, though aware that I had not seen anything that allowed me to think about the text it was reinterpreting. House/Lights left us incredibly annoyed, and frustrated that after twenty years the Wooster Group seemed to be moving backwards rather than forwards.

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