July 5, 2005

what comes out at 6am, post MSB.

Filed under: Burns — Twin B @ 2:49 pm

its 6 am at 624 Mrytle ave.
Sean and I flop onto our
respective furniture,
and as we flap our tounges
it comes out:
“If I had a big sister, I would want one just
like Olga and not Twin C.”

it burns.
doesn’t it?

May 17, 2005

FEDEX, YOU WILL BURN IN THE LAKE OF FIRE! FIIIIRE! FIRE!

Filed under: Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch!, Burns — Twin A @ 3:37 pm

Evil FEDEX, this blog post is a hex on you forever! May your corporate profits shrivel like John Wayne Bobbitt’s severed member! May you all develop a strange and rare disease only contracted by providing terrible customer service! May your computers be infected by the damn virus that comes in the German email that everyone is hassling me about today! May the Anti-Defamation League decide that you are Anti-Semitic because there may be one consciencious person in your entire organization, BUT THERE IS PROBABLY NOT, BECAUSE YOU ARE UNCARING FILTHY LIARS. Do you think I spent $90 on express international shipping because I DID NOT WANT MY PACKAGE TO ARRIVE ON TIME? Do you think it is my fault that you can not use a fax machine, or tell the truth? I call upon the collective minds of all Polenblog readers: IT IS TIME FOR THE MAGIC JUJU TREATMENT! DIRECT YOUR BLACK ENERGY BOLTS INTO THEIR COLLECTIVE MIND UNTIL THEY FIND THEMSELVES WRITHING ON THEIR CARPETED FLOORS, NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY THEY CAN THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THE BLACK BLACK WEASELS WHICH ARE EATING THEIR FLESH!!!

Thanks, everyone.

April 4, 2005

When Fiction Meets Reality???

Filed under: Burns — Twin C @ 4:00 pm

MSN had this thing for April Fool’s Day where you could put in someone’s name and get all sorts of links for them - Twin A did mine, and this is one of the articles that came up:

When is the Right Time To Correct A Strangers Posture? By Twin C
You dont have to be a control freak to be outraged at the bad posture people are walking around with. It just makes me crazy! So, the answer is: It’s ALWAYS the right time to correct a stranger’s posture! At the supermarket, in the street, at a movie theater: any time you can help a stranger with pronated shoulders, a retracted sternum, or an off-set knee-hip ratio, go to it! Feel free to interrupt their conversations, too. Trust me, they are better off with the knowledge you are about to give them!

Whoa.

I also liked the one about how a mayor runs me out of town for flirting too much.

Here’s the link if you want to see it. It’s amusing.

March 31, 2005

Flame War Hilarity.

Filed under: IM Madness, HA!, Burns — Twin C @ 11:12 am

My friends RJ and John Devore get into it in the comments section of RJ’s blog, Procrastinet. I hope he doesn’t mind, but I’m posting them here because they make me laugh SO hard. They’re arguing about the state of theater and Peter O’Toole’s comments in the Guardian UK, but I don’t even think you need to know that. . . I wish I could come up with such luscious insults off the cuff like these boys. Enjoy!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Procrastinet
Comments: The Withered Husk of Peter O’Toole Completely Loses Its Mind

RJ, you’re such a pompous whiner.

Bad art exists subsidized or on the free market.

And I’d go so far as to say that artists who owe no responsibility to an audience or a bottomline are encouraged to crawl into their own navel and rot.

Collegiate theater anyone?

Move to Britain, you goateed Marxist windbag. Go to Britain and make sure a funeral cortege of wannabe sell-out off-off-broadway “artistes” with you.

Posted by devore at March 30, 2005 12:08 PM

Look, beyotch, all I’m saying is if I’m going to be a smart-aleck twat, I’d rather be a PAID smart-aleck twat. Not all of us have figured out how to sell our mental flatulence to Maxim.

And if you’re going to try to tell me that you didn’t have more fun doing snotty, whiny, entitled college theatre than scraping around the periphery doing nights-and-weekends budgetless self-prod in Billyburg, I’m going to say you’re a liar as well as a faux contrarian pseudo-cynic.

Posted by rjt at March 30, 2005 12:24 PM

Don’t project your self-hatred on me, you fancy ass, tap-dancing vegetard.

And your slight to scrappy, sincere little po-dunk theater’s in Billyburg is duly noted, fat mouth. You’ll never work on that block again. Oh, I have that power. How will you know? Burning effigies, my friend. Cotton goatees on fire.

And no, I didn’t enjoy the deafening vaccum of college theater. That’s decorative art for dead people.

You want an easy paycheck? There are no easy paychecks. I labor blindly and one day the little piles of shit that I step into will maybe, not really, but maybe be a wee little pot of gold.

The rewards of art transcend the petty, pinheaded definitions of what we’re told success is. Per your previous post, chasing a band through the rain with your son is one such mark of success that transcends the tawdry earthly ones.

Also: you’re a goat-licking, nipple-shaving, body odor-rife mounteback with poor metaphysical hygene. If you were a fruit, you’d be a pineapple. Ungainly, full of thorny prickly leaves, and you taste great with vodka.

Suck on that vengence, Stalin.

Posted by devore at March 30, 2005 12:34 PM

You misspelled “hygiene” and “vengeance.”

That said, I yield in the face of your superior flame war kung fu.

There’s lots of substantive discussion to be had on this topic, which I can’t get into because I’ll just start calling you names again. Suffice it to say that, whatever the cause, the theatre in London is for the most part really, really good.

Polyp.

-R

Posted by rjt at March 30, 2005 12:54 PM

Oh, you think i’ll let you off that easy, you fudge juggling, playground gravel chewing, neanderthal ballerina blog trash dryer sheet sniffing lover of festering ziggerauts of doggie doo on the corner of your nearest street?

ok.

xo

Posted by devore at March 30, 2005 01:49 PM

March 24, 2005

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

Filed under: Burns — Twin C @ 10:34 am

It is my girlfriend’s birthday today. Hooray!

I love you, Princess Sugar Britches! Thanks for putting up with Twin Cranky! I’m glad you like your presents.

See you later!

March 16, 2005

Weiner roast!

Filed under: Burns — Twin C @ 11:39 pm

That “Twin D is a fag” burn roasted many a weiner.

Nice burn, Twin A.

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